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[classification]

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[classification]

Is it your goal to continuously talk me out of this?

[ Because that's what it's starting to feel like the more Felix protests like this. It's confusing and Locus doesn't really know what to do. ]

[douchebag]

No. My goal is to talk to you about my fucking feelings. But sure, we can just ignore them like we always do.

[classification]

I'm not ignoring them. Or you. I'm trying to understand where you're coming from.

[douchebag]

I'm trying to be supportive of this new you thing. But it's the opposite of me. And you made it pretty clear you don't like me being me on Chorus. I don't know how to do it and everybody else does so it bothers me.

[classification]

No, what I didn't like was you not listening. In fact, I still don't like that. I'm not ever going to like that. I'm listening to you and trying to help you change what you want to change. I can't do that if you're going to fight me every step of the way.

[douchebag]

I am listening! You said you don't like things so I'm trying to fix the shit you don't like. I'm not fighting you. But I'm not a fucking robot. I still feel shit. Sometimes it doesn't make any fucking sense. I can either tell you or I can deal with it myself. Which do you want?

[classification]

I'm not saying you aren't, now. My point was that I didn't like you not listening, not you being you. When we have conversations like this, you can't keep getting defensive every time something unflattering comes up.

We both have to make concessions here in talking to each other.

[douchebag]

Because it's always unflattering!

Maybe I just need to stop talking. It doesn't make me feel better.

[classification]

Because you bring up things you want to change. If they weren't things to change, it wouldn't be unflattering. Not talking is just going to continue in this cycle.

There are things you like and don't like about me. There are things I like and don't like about you. You shutting down every time a conversation like this comes up isn't going to help anything.

[douchebag]

Getting pissed off and grumpy isn't going to help either.

[ Pissed off and grumpy are the same thing, but he can't say sad and he doesn't know a better word. ]

I don't know how to change shit and I don't know how to talk about it right. That's why I wanted Dorian to give me advice. He knows more about it than me. But he just blamed me for everything. I died. I fucking paid for it. I pay for it every time I try to sleep. I don't why that isn't enough.

[classification]

I'm not either of those things, currently.

Bailing when agreement comes or a suggestion for how to change isn't the right way to do it. I'm not saying you can't get mad, just try to stop pushing everyone away when YOU are the one who initiates this kind of conversation.

You're helping me figure out how to have some form of emotions again. Why can't you let me help you?

[douchebag]

I am.

You're biased. You, I don't know if like is the right word, probably not. Point is, you don't feel the same way about Wash that I do. I know I fucked you up being a shit to you all those years, but Locus, you fucked me up too. I can believe you when you say it wasn't for him or the sims, but that can't erase seeing you standing there with them, watching what they did to me. I have so many nightmares now and they aren't all about falling.

I don't think you can understand what it'd be like for me if he came here. Probably no one can. But I thought someone who didn't even know the bastard could give me advice on it so if it did happen, I wouldn't royally fuck everything up with you. I guess that's inevitable though, because even unbiased people think the sun shines out of Wash's ass.

[classification]

[ It's a weird thing to feel guilt when he washed it away with everything else. He was so angry then, so tired and angry. All Locus wanted was for things to end. And they did, in a way. Not a way he really wanted, but. It's the ending they got. He can remember when they weren't so antagonistic toward each other. This is just a fucked up mess. ]

No one can give you advice on that. It's a unique situation, Felix. If he shows up, just leave him alone. Whatever you want to do, he's not worth it and you know that. Come to me and we'll go to the range or something else.

I can't change what happened any more than you can. We can figure something out along the way. I think that is all we can do. No plans.

[douchebag]

He might not be worth it but stabbing him in the throat repeatedly would probably make me feel better. Not saying I won't come to you first, because I will if you want me to, but it sure would be therapeutic.

You don't like not having a plan.

[classification]

I'd like you to come to me, yes. We'll figure something out. Without stabbing.

There are loose plans; just nothing set in stone.

[douchebag]

What about Tucker? Can we stab Tucker? You don't like him.

[classification]

[ He doesn't answer right away. He's actually thinking about it. ]

Maybe.

[douchebag]

[ Holy shit, really?! ]

Yeah? I can sweeten the deal. We stab Tucker and I can give you at least one conversation with the great asshole before I start getting squirrelly.

[classification]

[ Well. He doesn't like Tucker. And Tucker is the one who threw the frag. So. ]

I have nothing to say to Washington. That isn't necessary.

[douchebag]

[ Locus mentioned compromises before. This is Felix making one. It's so hard to do it's almost painful. ]

He helped you find yourself without even trying. Maybe he could help you figure shit out easier. So, yeah. It is.

[classification]

[ And Locus appreciates that in his Locus kind of way. ]

I do not require his help. Nor is it something we need to discuss right now. This is all hypothetical, as it is.

[douchebag]

Yeah, well. That's how you do all this planning shit, right? Hypotheticals. I'm just, I don't know, trying it.

[classification]

The effort isn't going unappreciated or unnoticed.

[douchebag]

Is it the kind of appreciation that makes you think it'd be fun to set Leon on unsuspecting people walking in the park?

[classification]

Is that the kind of appreciation you're already having?

[ HE'S ON TO YOU, BUDDY. ]