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[classification]

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Comments

d.

[douchebag]

Forget the milk. I'm going out.

[classification]

[ What the fuck is happening. Locus wasn't pissed, not really. But, he kind of is now. He thought they'd talked about this whole jealousy thing and tried to take care of it. It seems like that was a big bust. Eventually, Locus does reply once he's done with the lesson. ]

It hasn't even been a full hour, Felix. I told you what I was doing, I can't teach someone how to drive while talking to you. You're being ridiculous.

[douchebag]

[ He really isn't trying to be an unreasonable disaster. It just happens. ]

It doesn't take an hour. It takes like, I don't know, three fucking seconds. One second you're pinned down by big ugly aliens and the next you're looking over at the new guy and that's it. Show's over.

[classification]

[ He needs to try a little harder....... ]

We've gone longer without speaking. I told you I would be busy for at least an hour today—undisturbed. What is the issue, Felix?

1/2

[douchebag]

You don't like how I drive!

[douchebag]

And maybe I had a lot of nightmares last night and it's making shit weird. Okay? There.

1/2

[classification]

[ S I G H. Just. Sigh. ]

No one likes how you drive.

[classification]

I'm on my way home. Are you there or do I need to come find you?

[douchebag]

It's fine. Have fun with your friend. Just not more fun than you'd have with me.

I'm at home. Me and Leon are trying on sweaters.

[classification]

It's driving lessons. Those aren't fun.

[ What. The shit. ]

The same ones?

[douchebag]

I could make them fun. ME. Not him. Have a boring time together.

NO NOT THE SAME ONES.

1/2

[classification]

No, you couldn't. You're not a good driver, Felix.

[classification]

[ This comes as an afterthought almost, ]

You're not putting him in mine, are you?

[ HE KNOWS IT'S HAPPENED BEFORE! ]

[douchebag]

Sometimes bad driving can be fun. Christ.

And no. Before you have a conniption, I'm putting him in MY sweaters. I'm wearing yours.

[classification]

If you really want to learn, I can teach you. But you have to listen to me.

[ He doesn't know how to ask to send a pic, so he is just banking on getting home in time to see it. ]

[douchebag]

[ "Send me a picture." It's really easy. Four words. ]

Are you going to get mad when I screw up? Because I'll probably screw up at least once.

[classification]

[ It feels stupid to say... ]

If you screw up but listened to me and it is a genuine accident, no.

[douchebag]

Then yes. Try to teach me.

[ And because he's feeling less like a sulky baby, he takes a selfie. In it, he's smiling and wearing about four of Locus' sweaters. Leon, laying on the bed atop a mound of clothes, is indeed wearing one of Felix's. The novelty sweater with the taco on it. ]

[classification]

[ It's not like he's saving that or anything. ]

Why do you have so many on?

[douchebag]

I'm trying to see what it's like to be you. It's not really working the way I thought it would.

[classification]

By putting on half a dozen of my sweaters?

[douchebag]

I'm trying to bulk up! Probably would've been more successful with one of those puffy coats now that I think about it.

[classification]

You haven't been able to get any bulkier in fifteen years.

[douchebag]

I know. I don't get it. It's not like I don't work out.

[classification]

You don't have the body type. You're not lacking.