I did lose something along the way. I don't believe it's being too hard on myself, but realistically facing the issue. Things have changed. I have changed. There's little I can do about it now.
Do you not wonder how things might be different if we never took certain jobs?
[ If this is what talking about his feelings get him... ]
You can change again. People are malleable. You can be whatever you want to be.
All the time. Come on. If we never took Hargrove's stupid job I'd still be alive. Maybe we'd get brought here anyway but I'd be able to go home.
If we weren't on Reach, maybe I wouldn't have gotten so fucked up. If I think about it, it'll drive me crazy. Because I can't change it and I hate being helpless. I guess it's just easier looking ahead. Because looking behind me's just going to fuck me up more.
I don't think another animal is something we need. As it is the two of you compete for my attention, I don't need something to split it further or I would never have time to myself.
Maybe Leon wants a dog too. They could run and play together and chase each other around and sleep in a furry ball together. Leon could stop stealing your lap on the couch.
I've had years to think about you. Of course I've fantasized about having you in my lap. I mean, there's more to it than that. It's not like you're just sitting there. But you're definitely there.
And it's not just that. I've probably fantasized about everything at least ten times. Probably made up shit that didn't even exist before.
[ Is this curiosity or sexting? Felix wants to ask, but if he asks, he knows he's going to ruin it. So he's just going to go with it and see what happens. ]
Well, it starts off with a lot of kissing. Aggressive, sloppy kissing. Like you can't wait to get anywhere more comfortable so right here's where it's happening. And soon it turns into biting. You've got marks on your neck. I've got marks on mine. We're both hard. You're kind of rocking against and it feels really good. But it's not enough, you know? So I fumble around and get your pants open.
[ Aaaaaaaaaaaaand now he's getting hard. Goddamn it. Time for a break. ]
[ It was curiosity. It probably still is because Locus has never sexted before and wouldn't really know if this would constitute as such. He's just kind of in the moment right now since that's the kind of living he's trying to do. ]
It's like, I want to take it slow, you know? Tease a little bit. Make you feel good without getting you off. Really enjoy the way your cock feels in my hand. But then I get my hand on it and that's it. I don't have that kind of patience. I get you out of your pants slow enough but I'm already stroking you. Really working you. And you kiss me or bite me, I don't fucking know and I'm just like Christ I want you to fuck me. And okay yeah this position's not great but I don't care I just want you inside me.
[ That he's switched over to talk to text and is absently rubbing the heel of his hand over his own dick is something only he and Leon, who just walked unnoticed into the room, know. ]
[ This probably isn't a conversation they should be having via these comms. It's private and Locus isn't positive people can't get into these and read the things they're saying. Not to mention he probably shouldn't be having it while in the kitchen at the restaurant.
For several reasons. ]
Even when you want to take it slow, you're still impatient.
[ How like Felix. Even in his fantasies he can't handle himself differently. ]
That's not true. I can take it slow. Sometimes I take it really slow and it's you telling me to hurry the fuck up.
[ He almost detours into that fantasy, but then realizes that he needs to answer Locus' question and that keeps him going on the right path. ]
I don't. You do. You just take me by the shoulders and kind of twist and push at the same time. And then I'm on my back and you're on top of me and I still have your dick in my hand and I'm torn. I'm really fucking torn. Move up and you could fuck my mouth. Move down and you could fuck my ass. But you're just kind of there in the middle and maybe I should stop jerking you off but I don't want to do that either. It's really fucking frustrating.
[ He can see that. ...Sort of. Locus doesn't have a lot of patience in certain situations. Especially those that involve Felix. So, he can easily see himself getting annoyed and fed up with whatever game Felix was trying to play. ]
I don't think the position is suitable for your mouth.
[ Which is to say, his preference is fucking normally. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I did lose something along the way. I don't believe it's being too hard on myself, but realistically facing the issue. Things have changed. I have changed. There's little I can do about it now.
Do you not wonder how things might be different if we never took certain jobs?
no subject
You can change again. People are malleable. You can be whatever you want to be.
All the time. Come on. If we never took Hargrove's stupid job I'd still be alive. Maybe we'd get brought here anyway but I'd be able to go home.
If we weren't on Reach, maybe I wouldn't have gotten so fucked up. If I think about it, it'll drive me crazy. Because I can't change it and I hate being helpless. I guess it's just easier looking ahead. Because looking behind me's just going to fuck me up more.
no subject
I do not know what I want.
[ And that is probably the biggest issue of all. ]
Things would be easier if I did. Perhaps I should return to trying new things.
no subject
[ And yes, he's completely reading into that. ]
Couldn't hurt, trying stuff. You'll figure it out, you know. Eventually you'll know what you want.
no subject
[ Locus knows. Stop it. ]
I did mean with you, you know.
no subject
You wanna try the horses again?
[ He's kidding. ]
My calendar is wiiiiiiide open.
no subject
No. If another horse kicks me, I'm certain I will not be allowed near the stables again.
[ Because as much as he's trying not to kill anyone without reason, he'll fucking take down the horse. That hurt. ]
We can discuss it later. We can go to the range again, too.
no subject
[ He thinks he likes Leon too, even if he doesn't admit it. ]
What about a dog? You like Leon okay.
no subject
I don't think another animal is something we need. As it is the two of you compete for my attention, I don't need something to split it further or I would never have time to myself.
no subject
That's because I don't like to share. This isn't about that. This is about making you happy.
no subject
It's something to consider. But we [ we ] have Leon.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
But if you're that worried about it, just put your head there. I can rub it or something. Brush your hair. It'll be relaxing.
no subject
You fantasize about me sitting on you?
[ Brain, you had one job. Don't ask. ]
no subject
I've had years to think about you. Of course I've fantasized about having you in my lap. I mean, there's more to it than that. It's not like you're just sitting there. But you're definitely there.
And it's not just that. I've probably fantasized about everything at least ten times. Probably made up shit that didn't even exist before.
no subject
Like what? What am I doing?
no subject
Well, it starts off with a lot of kissing. Aggressive, sloppy kissing. Like you can't wait to get anywhere more comfortable so right here's where it's happening. And soon it turns into biting. You've got marks on your neck. I've got marks on mine. We're both hard. You're kind of rocking against and it feels really good. But it's not enough, you know? So I fumble around and get your pants open.
[ Aaaaaaaaaaaaand now he's getting hard. Goddamn it. Time for a break. ]
Sorry. Got carried away.
no subject
Keep going.
no subject
It's like, I want to take it slow, you know? Tease a little bit. Make you feel good without getting you off. Really enjoy the way your cock feels in my hand. But then I get my hand on it and that's it. I don't have that kind of patience. I get you out of your pants slow enough but I'm already stroking you. Really working you. And you kiss me or bite me, I don't fucking know and I'm just like Christ I want you to fuck me. And okay yeah this position's not great but I don't care I just want you inside me.
[ That he's switched over to talk to text and is absently rubbing the heel of his hand over his own dick is something only he and Leon, who just walked unnoticed into the room, know. ]
no subject
For several reasons. ]
Even when you want to take it slow, you're still impatient.
[ How like Felix. Even in his fantasies he can't handle himself differently. ]
How would you fix the situation?
no subject
[ He almost detours into that fantasy, but then realizes that he needs to answer Locus' question and that keeps him going on the right path. ]
I don't. You do. You just take me by the shoulders and kind of twist and push at the same time. And then I'm on my back and you're on top of me and I still have your dick in my hand and I'm torn. I'm really fucking torn. Move up and you could fuck my mouth. Move down and you could fuck my ass. But you're just kind of there in the middle and maybe I should stop jerking you off but I don't want to do that either. It's really fucking frustrating.
no subject
I don't think the position is suitable for your mouth.
[ Which is to say, his preference is fucking normally. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)