[ It does feel good and that's... almost a little scary to Locus. Feeling good isn't something he's used to. Typically he just feels a whole lot of nothing. This is like some entirely new experience. Vaguely he can remember in the past, doing things like this with other people and just doing it for the sake of getting off. Mutually beneficial. It probably felt good then, too. But, it's been so long that he's forgotten what it feels like, so this is almost like some new experience.
Almost.
Because he still recognizes the signs of when things are shifting too far into one direction. Locus can hear it in the shredded way Felix's voice sounds, feel it in the way his body moves. Something is happening and before Locus can realize it or attempt to curb it from happening, it happens.
For the first time since Locus was a kid, he feels like actually laughing. He doesn't, because he's forgotten how it works, but there's a nostalgic feeling inside him. It's not that he's laughing at Felix—God forbid, he'd never hear the end of it—but the situation. That they've been rutting on the floor like they're half their ages; rutting to the point Felix got too overwhelmed and came too soon.
What he does do is exhale a breath, tipping his head slightly to break the kiss. His hair finally gives up attempting to stay held in the tie and spills over, curtaining them off on one side. Though Locus slows his hips to an eventual stop, he doesn't move from where he is and doesn't stop clutching tightly on to Felix's thigh. He pulls back enough so he can look at him, his eyes darkened by what they've been doing and lips slick from their kisses. HIs thumb twitches slightly and he clears his throat. Though he speaks low, a murmur really, there's still a different quality to his voice that's certainly never been there before when talking to Felix. ]
Why are you always in such a rush?
[ It's so fucking dry, even through the lust of the moment. Locus doesn't tease, but. Sometimes it's okay to make a joke at Felix's expense...! ]
[ This is beyond embarrassing. Felix can't remember the last time he's been this mortified or disgusted with himself. Because now that he's finally getting what he's been wanting, his stupid fucking body has to ruin it. He doesn't want to stop, but because his life is a goddamn joke, he just knows they're going to.
When Locus breaks the kiss and pulls back, Felix very nearly screams in frustration. It just isn't fair. His face feels like it's on fire and it just gets hotter after he cracks open a wary eye and sees Locus looking at him. This is it. This is when he's going to have to bolt, barricade himself in his house, and drink until he can't remember what his name is.
It's really fucking hard to look Locus in the eyes. His own keep trying to jerk to the side, forcing him to squint to keep the focused where they need to be. Locus' tone is bizarre. He doesn't know how to interpret it and he's torn between shrinking back against the floor or defensively puffing up and going on the offense. ]
That wasn't intentional. [ It's a low hiss. ] I didn't— [ His grip on himself breaks and his gaze slips sideways. Now would be a great time for the floor to eat him. ] I'm better than this.
[ His attention snaps back to Locus' face and he takes a tighter hold on him. ]
I am. We don't have to stop. I can take care of you. I swear to fucking god it'll be good.
[ Honestly, at this point, Locus wouldn't really understand why or how there could be any embarrassment between them. ( At a later time he might fully come to understand Felix's feelings in this moment, but right now... no. ) After everything they've done and been through, it just seems a little... silly.
It's strange to see Felix like this. His face is red and Locus knows it's a combination of embarrassment and anger. Not really a look he's used to seeing on Felix's face. Without even realizing what he's doing, Locus shifts his hand up Felix's body until he runs the tips of his fingers over the sharp line of his cheek. Warmer here, but that's expected.
For a few moments Locus doesn't really know what to say. His mind is silently working in the background while the foreground unhelpfully remains quiet for probably a little bit too long. Then, something happens and Locus clears his throat. The hand on Felix's face shifts to curl around the side of his throat. ]
I never said we were going to stop. [ He's not going to bother replying to Felix being better than this. That's not something that even factors in to this right now. His eyes flick over toward the stairs, the intention further still the bedroom. More specifically, the master bath. ] Location can be moved for more... comfort.
[ Because who hasn't had sticky pants before? It's not that great. Locus knows. ]
[ What he's expecting is Locus to decide that he's coming to his senses, push him away, stand up, and go back to decorating the tree like nothing happened. Like an episode of temporary insanity that's thankfully cleared up before too much damage gets done. But what he gets is...
Locus is touching his face. Why is Locus touching his face? He doesn't get it and that uncertainty, that inability to figure out what Locus is doing and why, distracts him from his embarrassment. He looks up at him, searching his face for clues, but he's not saying anything or doing anything else. Felix starts to get restless, wants to move but can't because he's sure moving's just going to remind Locus that he doesn't want to do this anymore.
And then... ]
You—Really?
[ Stammering surprise isn't suave and attractive, but Felix is so floored—pun not intended—by not only the revelation that Locus doesn't want to quit but also the insinuation that they move it elsewhere that he can't check the reaction. Or the stupid, hopeful way he looks at him before he realizes he's doing it and wipes it off of his face. ]
Yes. Okay. Yes. [ Tipping his head sideways and turning just so, Felix presses a kiss to the inside of Locus' wrist without taking his eyes of him. Then, because he wants to do it and there's no reason not to, he licks the skin beneath his lips. ] Anywhere. It'll be worth it. I promise.
[ It's small moments like these that Locus doesn't know how to take. Felix can hide himself if he wishes, but then there are times he's terrible at it and Locus can see emotions flicker across his face before he can wrestle himself under control. Like there's still parts of Isaac in there that haven't been completely and utterly warped. In those moments, he can't help but wonder if Felix looks at him and sees if there's anything left of Sam.
He won't ask, though. He can't. Wouldn't even know how to do such a thing. And knows it would just wind up turning into an argument because Locus wouldn't know how to phrase it right and Felix would take it as a slight. There's so much work to be done between them. Sometimes he wonders if they'll even cover a fraction of that.
Not right now, though. Surprisingly, he's being led by far more carnal thoughts. Which, while isn't something entirely new, it's something that's been dormant for a long time.
Locus wets his lips without even realizing what he's done as he watches Felix beneath him. All at once a million things and not one single thing flit through his mind. It's the strangest feeling and he doesn't think he could quite describe it if anyone asked him. Mentally shaking himself out of that momentary pause, he pushes himself up off the floor and from on top of Felix. It's such an easy thing to hold his hand out to help him up that he doesn't even think about it. ]
I don't doubt it.
[ Once Felix is up, Locus lets go and makes for the stairs. If he stalls or starts thinking too much, he'll talk himself out of this. And, he's pretty certain that's something he doesn't want to do. So, he doesn't falter. He walks as sure as he does when he has a purpose right to the bathroom, snapping on the light and followed by turning the water on. While it heats, he begins to disrobe; it's not seductive in nature, yet he's not meticulous about the clothes. They land where they fall and by the time he's completely naked, the flagging erection from walking and distance isn't so flagging any longer.
He pays it no mind and just steps into the shower to acclimate himself to the heat of the water. He hisses softly as the water moves over his cock, but he restrains himself from doing anything about it. Not like it's the first time he's purposely ignored arousal of any kind, probably won't be the last. Likely he should probably say something, but considering he doesn't really know what to say, he just turns an expectant look toward Felix. ]
[ Felix isn't a hundred percent clear on where they're going or what he has in mind, though it doesn't really matter. Whatever Locus wants to do anywhere he wants to do it is fine with him. He isn't completely tasteless and trashy where sex is concerned, whatever anyone might say about him, but he's happy to cast aside any and all standards or preferences for the opportunity to finally have some kind of sexual physical contact with Locus. It's probably desperate and pathetic, but quite frankly, he doesn't care about that either.
Much as he doesn't want it to happen, he's expecting Locus to change his mind by the time they get upstairs, so it's an extremely pleasant surprise to be led into the bathroom and see him start to undress without any hesitation. If this is what some eggnog and tree decorating results in, Felix thinks with slightly hysterical glee, they're going to do it every goddamn month.
It's without a hint of shame that Felix watches him get naked. He's seen Locus in so may various stages of undress, but this is different. Very different, he realixes, when Locus turns and he sees that he's hard. The rush of some inexplicable feeling stronger than simple arousal momentarily blanks his mind, drives out everything and leaves him standing there staring in open hunger. It's only when he senses Locus looking at him that he snaps his gaze up to his face.
He winces a little sheepishly at being caught just standing around like an idiot and hastily yanks off his shirt. If he thought Locus would appreciate it, he'd make a show out of it, but he doubts he would and the lingering fear that Locus will change his mind prevents him from dawdling. His pants follow, kicked off to join the shirt on the floor. The boxers go a moment later.
And as he unexpectedly discovers, there's nothing quite as embarrassing as getting an invitation to join the man he's been fantasizing about for almost half his life in the shower for sexual purposes and having a limp dick.
It's not for lack of interest. If lust was capable of overcoming biology, Felix would likely spend ninety-five percent of his life sporting an erection because of Locus. But he isn't as young as he used to be and he can't recover that quickly. Not even the sight of Locus' cock hard and glistening with water from the shower can get his own up. And trust that Felix has been wondering what Locus looks like hard for as long as he's known him. ]
Sam. [ Reassurance that he's interested probably isn't necessary, but as Felix steps into the shower, he finds himself trying to make up for his uncooperative dick anyway. There isn't a huge amount of room in here, which is all the encouragement he needs to skim his hand over Locus' hip. ] If this isn't an invitation to suck you off, I need you to tell me right now. Otherwise I'm not going to be capable of thinking of anything else.
[ Well, to be fair, it's not the first time Locus has caught Felix standing around like an idiot and absorbed in his own world. Not really the first time he's caught Felix staring at him like that, either. It's still a little strange and no matter how often he looks at himself in the mirror, he just doesn't see whatever it is that Felix thinks he sees.
That Felix doesn't dawdle is good, because while Locus might not be on the verge of saying no to what's currently happening, he might. Locus isn't the sort to play games no matter the situation, so he thinks that might extend to this, too. Maybe not. Maybe were he in a more giving mood, he might appreciate Felix making some sort of spectacle of himself solely for Locus' enjoyment. Something for another day, at least.
Once Felix is in with him, Locus pulls the curtain closed. Now things feel a little too real and he's wondering just what he was thinking. There's a split second where he wonders if he should stop this, but it passes. He's always passing on everything related to his own wellbeing and personal feelings. He needs to keep working on it. On everything. So, he doesn't tell Felix to get out, nor does Locus leave. In fact, one of the main reasons he doesn't react negatively is remembering what happened downstairs and why they're here in the first place. He doesn't think poorly over Felix's current state of non-arousal compared to his own. They're not teenagers anymore in spite of how they argue like them often.
That touch of Felix's hand against his hip makes his muscle twitch and unconsciously he wets his lips. This, right here and now, is some sort of turning point. He can recognize that still. A hand lifts and he mirrors the touch to Felix's side but drops his hand away. ]
Go ahead.
[ It's the best he can do; he's not much for sweet-talk. ]
[ It's probably the most unenthusiastic acceptance of an offer to give a blowjob that he's ever gotten. Felix isn't expecting effusive excitement from Locus by any means, but it sounds more like he's telling him to get on with shining his shoes than sucking his cock. He blinks, a little taken aback, though whether it's the delivery or that Locus has said yes at all is impossible to determine.
There's an art to giving excellent head and Felix prides himself on his skills in this area. But at the moment, he's a little uncertain how to proceed. The teasing seduction he would ordinarily begin with likely runs the risk of taking too long and making Locus change his mind. And even if it doesn't, Felix doesn't know if he would appreciate it. Locus likes efficiency. Maybe he wants him to hurry it up and get it over with.
He doesn't dither over it for long. That too runs the risk of cutting this short or worse, planting the seed in Locus' mind that this isn't something he wants to do in the first place. Which couldn't be further from the truth. Despite how much it irks his pride, Felix ignores the myriad possibilities that the canvas of Locus' body offers and sinks down onto his knees, the hand on Locus' hip now necessary for stabilizing himself. The bathtub—Acrylic? Fiberglass? Felix doesn't know what these old tubs are made from—is still cold and not overly comfortable under his knobby knees, but he shoves that and the thought that he's probably getting to old for this stuff out of his mind.
It's weirdly, stupidly daunting to be faced with Locus' cock after years of fantasizing about it. Felix looks at it for a moment, unconsciously committing the sight to memory, then gives himself a mental kick in the ass and wraps his free hand around it just beneath the head. His thumb absently rubs over the tip as he slides his palm along the shaft, getting a feel for it. He looks up, still sliding his hand up and down in long slow strokes, searching Locus' face for clues to what's going on behind his eyes. ]
All right so far? [ He doesn't need the reassurance; the day Felix loses his way around a dick is the day he needs to give up having sex. It's for Locus' benefit, reassurance that if he isn't enjoying it Felix will stop. ] Just tell me what works and what doesn't.
[ The longer Felix takes, the more Locus begins to doubt the idea of this being a good one. Maybe Felix is having second thoughts, too. Is this a good idea? Is this going to complicate things more? Could they even possibly be more complicated?? Locus doesn't really know and that still makes him feel off-kilter.
So lost in his own tangled web of thoughts, he doesn't realize that Felix goes down to his knees. He's shaken out of his momentary stupor when he feels the foreign touch of another hand on his cock. Locus lets out a drawn exhale to keep himself steady. It's just been so long since he's done this himself, let alone letting someone else do it for him. It's not the worst feeling in the world.
He doesn't answer right away when the question comes and instead he stares somewhere into the middle distance. Yes, this is strange. There's no way around that. But he can either let that bother him to the point of ending this. Or he can just let go and enjoy himself in the ways he should be.
But enjoyment comes so hard to a man like Locus.
So, he makes a decision to just approach this like he would any normal task. Not that he means to, but it's the best way to cope with a change he doesn't know how to make. He takes charge of the situation. ]
Isaac.
[ It's sharp but... there's something else there. Not as severe as it normally could have been, perhaps. And something else Locus hasn't quite named yet.
One hand shifts to Felix's head, settling on top where his longer hair is becoming slick from the water. It trails down so his fingers curl around the back of his ear and his thumb moves with a purpose over the hinge of his jaw. ]
[ This going... Felix isn't sure. Locus is just standing there like he's trying to perfect his robot impression and that's the opposite of what they're going for here. There'd been a little reaction when he touched him! Felix knows he heard that exhaled breath and refuses to let himself be convinced that he imagined it. But Jesus Christ.
While Locus studies the water droplet patterns on the back of the shower or whatever the fuck he's doing, Felix internally flounders. Keep going? Stop? Pinch him and see if the pain brings him back to the present? That last one's tempting if only because Locus is either revolted by him, which is insulting, or pretending he's never had his dick touched, which is stupid. Goddamn it, would you just—
The bark of his name jolts him out of it and stills his hand. That's—Is it a reprimand to stop? He can't tell. Locus' voice sounds weird, but that could just be the acoustics of the bathroom. Or Felix slowly becoming traumatized by the fiasco of trying to perform a very simple task.
He almost snaps that he doesn't need any backseat blowjob advice. He knows how to do it, unlike some people. But something—more than likely it's the way Locus touches him, which comes as a surprise—makes him hold his tongue. Slowly, he opens his fingers, not jerking his hand back into his own space but releasing Locus' cock just the same. If he's reading him right, and by now he feels like that's a pretty big fucking if, he assumes he's going to need to get his hand out of the way. Then he opens his mouth as bid, feeling kind of stupid but willing to see where this is going. His eyebrows rise in what he hopes is a clear signal: Go ahead. ]
[ All right. This isn't terrible. Felix listens without complaint and that's a good sign. Locus isn't going to guide him completely, morbid curiosity has him wanting to know what Felix does when he's like this. But he has to have some measure of control. Why? He doesn't really know. Just that he needs it. Emotions and feelings—even positive ones, perhaps especially those—are difficult grounds for Locus to traverse. ( Maybe they weren't for Sam, but Locus doesn't remember who that is or things he felt. )
He moves forward slightly, his other hand moving around the base of his cock to guide it into Felix's mouth. Something like this has been even longer than a handjob. Felix's mouth is warm and slick and in spite of all the firmly gripped control, Locus feels the want for more. Experimentally he rolls his hips, just to test, just to see. He's not aiming to choke Felix, he's not aiming to fall either, though. Just the right amount of space has to be given. This will do for now.
The one hand not on Felix falls back to his side, the other gives a small nudge to the back of his head. Locus looks down at him and wets his lips, his tone low, heated. ]
[ For just a second, he thinks Locus means to start fucking his mouth right out of the gate. That wouldn't be ideal—he hasn't done this in a while, a long while, and he's been operating on the assumption they were both going to work up to it—but he isn't about to stop it either. Discomfort can be borne. Fucking up actual sex with Locus cannot.
But he doesn't. And what he does do isn't terribly intrusive either. Felix flexes the muscle in his throat, loosening it up just in case.
Bossy, Felix thinks, suppressing the urge to roll his eyes. He'd say it too, if he could, but now that Locus has committed this much, it would take some kind of natural disaster to get him to back off and start talking. Bossy is infinitely better than indifferent, even if there's a part of him that wants the absolute freedom to wow him with how good he is at this.
Felix has not been sucking cock over the course of his life for the express purpose of impressing Locus if he ever miraculously agreed to doing it. But he would also never be able to make the claim that it hasn't been a consideration in the back of his mind either.
He hums an affirmative acknowledgement of the direction, taking care to make the sound deeper than usual. Deeper sound, more vibration, and more vibration is better sensation. Rather than setting to immediately, Felix indulges himself in running his tongue over the head and dipping the tip of it into the slit. It's not enough to get an accurate idea of how Locus tastes but it's enough for the moment. Then he gets to work.
A few experimental passes of his mouth over his cock, lips tight to the shaft and tongue sliding along the vein, first to gauge how easy this is going to be, since finesse seems to not be on the schedule. Once he's comfortable, Felix tightens his grip on Locus' hip, deliberately digging his nails into his skin, and settles himself into a steady rhythm and consistent suction. The spray of the water makes it difficult to look up at him, so Felix gives that venture up almost immediately, closing his eyes and focusing on keeping his pace even and his teeth covered. ]
[ The vibration is nice. No two ways about it. Locus feels it and something tingles beneath his skin. He lets out another harsher breath, but otherwise doesn't make a sound. Not yet, anyway. He holds himself straight, free hand shifting to lean against the shower wall. This is fine. It is.
Strange to see Felix on his knees with Locus' cock in his mouth, but it's not as awkward as he was imagining. His gaze lowers, lids shuttering his eyes, as he shifts his attention to Felix. He hadn't intended to watch, but now that he is, he don't want to look away. Unsure of what it is—the passing of Felix's tongue over the vein, teasing at the slit, the bite of his nails ir some combination—pleasure curls itself through Locus' body and this time there's a little more sound to that exhale. Not quite a moan, but not just a simple breath either.
There's a small twitch forward of his hips—once—when Felix pulls back. He doesn't mean to, but his body has other ideas his mind is almost hesitant to act on. Not because this is bad, but because it's good and he's not used to that.
He already feels so fucked.
Locus tightens his hold on Felix, his hand moving back to shift through his hair. There's no intent, no guiding tug, but he's holding tight enough that there's really no intent to let go. ]
[ Even over the noise of the shower, Felix can hear the sounds Locus makes. Partly, it's because he's listening for them. But it's also instinct too, a veritable lifetime of being tuned in to everything Locus does, albeit for considerably less sexual reasons. And that's heartening in a way he isn't really expecting. It means Locus doesn't hate it. How anyone might hate getting sucked off he can't imagine, but no doubt if it's possible, Locus could find a way.
He's not, though, and that's good. Even if he's thinking about someone else while it's happening or nothing or... or work. Felix wouldn't be surprised if paperwork and other minutiae got him off. But it doesn't matter. He doesn't care. Especially when he feels that little twitch in Locus' hips.
There's no easy way to say it's okay, relax and give into it with his mouth full of his dick, but if he's getting that caught up in it that he wants to help, Felix won't deny him. Opening his eyes, he blinks the water out of them and makes a noise of encouragement. Not wanting to leave it at that, he gives the faintest of nods as he draws back toward the head of his cock, then tugs on his hip as he slides back down onto it. Another permissive hum and he lifts his free hand to rest lightly on Locus' other hip. There's so much more he can do with it, and would without hesitation if he thought it might not be too much too fast.
He curls his fingers, scratching lightly over his skin in as beckoning a gesture as he can manage, bobbing his head the way he is. It's fine. Go ahead. ]
[ If it was a substandard blowjob, Locus wouldn't like it. But, it's not so he doesn't not like what's happening. Locus might not be the kindest man alive, might never have been either, but he's not the sort to let his attention slip to someone or something else when in an intimate situation. All of them that he's been in, his focus has been on that person. Otherwise, what's the point? And when he focuses, that's it. His attention right now is where it needs to be: with and on Felix.
Isaac. Maybe he should start thinking of him with that name again.
That he can think about later.
That vibration around his cock again feels good and his whole body shudders this time. His eyes close briefly and when his lips part now, there is a low moan that floats free. Looking down when he centers himself again, he catches Felix's eye. For a moment he doesn't act, doesn't do a thing and just looks at him wet and in a shower, yet somehow still filthy. Another heavy breath leaves him and he feels too hot, his skin too small for his bones.
The moment passes and Locus' hands move, bracketing the side of Felix's head. Idly, his thumb sweeps a few water droplets off of Felix's face. Part of him feels like he should look away, but he can't seem to convince himself. So it's with that steady, intense gaze he watches as he begins to slowly roll his hips to fuck Felix's mouth. Watching as his cock disappears into the warm, wet heat of his mouth. It's enticing in a way he hadn't ever imagined. His own mouth is slightly lax as he forgoes breathing through his nose because everything is just too much right now. ]
[ Too focused on what he's doing, intent on actually doing a good job with a task, Felix isn't capable of responding to every shift in movement and sound Locus makes. He'd like to, he wants to savor every reaction he gets out of him, but everything's happening too fast and he has to worry about other non-sexy details too. Like breathing, not inhaling so much water up his nose that he starts to choke, not choking on Locus' dick, not gagging if it slides back into his throat too far, and swallowing so that spit isn't getting everywhere.
There's a part of his mind that's cataloging them, though. It's memorizing everything—the sounds Locus makes, the subtle changes to his expression, the way he moves—and he'll examine those memories later. No doubt he'll review them quite frequently and extensively at many times throughout the day for a week or two. Or four. The highlight reel is absolutely getting played during showers and other masturbatory opportunities.
Locus is watching him and that's both gratifying and weirdly... He's not sure what it is, only that he feels almost self-conscious about it. Which is so fucking stupid that he does his best to ignore it. And watch Locus right back. The effect is probably ruined by how many times he has to blink to keep the water out of his eyes, but he wants Locus to see him looking at him. He wants him to know that he's enjoying this.
He slides his hands around Locus' hips, keeping his touch light enough that it doesn't impede his movement. His fingers splay out over Locus' ass, for a moment doing nothing more than feeling it and reveling in the fact that he's touching Locus' butt and not getting berated for it. Then he squeezes, encouragement only, and utters a low, gravelly chuckle that's probably felt more than it's heard. Keep going, Felix is trying to tell him. It's good. ]
[ It's not an instant thing that happens. Having denied himself carnal pleasures for so long, this is almost like an entirely new experience. It feels good, he can't deny that. It's both a strange and exciting sight to see Felix down there, swallowing down his cock like he's been waiting for the opportunity for too long. Locus still holds a little confusion over the whole thing, but even that's getting hazy right now as pleasure begins to assume full control of Locus' mind and body.
He's warm. Too warm. The way his blood tingles under his skin almost makes him feel like he can count each individual cell moving through his veins. For several long moments he's overcome—there's a tightening in his stomach and his knees shake a little; Locus tips his head back slightly with a low, rolling sound of pleasure. It feels good and that's an experience he hasn't had in so long. It almost feels overwhelming.
Which it kind of is, all things considered. Locus fucks Felix's mouth in earnest then. Fucking into the wet heat of his mouth like he's chasing some foreign feeling and doesn't know any other way to get it. That feeling builds in the pit of his stomach and grows, spreading out over his whole body until he feels as if he might vibrate right out of his skin. Sooner—and sooner than he'd really like—than he imagines, he feels things change. Everything speeds up and slows down all at once and Locus is left in some odd haze as his orgasm crests. Maybe he should've attempted to alert Felix he was getting ready to come, but he couldn't. One hand clings hard to Felix, fingers twisted in his hair. The other he managed to tear away and hold on to the little bar on the wall of the shower to help keep himself in check in some minor way. He doesn't make much noise and he's fairly certain there's water up his nose.
His bones kind of feel a little like jelly and he doesn't trust himself much to let go of everything just yet. Slowly, Locus lets go of the tight grip on Felix's hair but leaves his hand there in some half-cocked way of soothing. He can't get his breathing under control just yet and still feels a little too high to come down. Without realizing he even closed them, he opens his eyes and looks at Felix, uncertain how to really proceed now. Sort of. He shifts his hand away slightly and nudges against Felix's shoulder then just leaves his hand out. Kneeling isn't comfortable on the best days, he can't imagine it is in the tub. ]
[ A warning isn't necessary. Sure, it's been a while since he's been in the position to give a guy head, but Felix has done it often enough over the course of his life that he recognizes the signs of impending orgasm even in Locus. Mostly, it's the change in pace more than it's that sound. Building pleasure is one thing, but this is chasing after it in a way that's all too familiar to him.
He lets the tension bleed out of him, lets his muscles grow lax and malleable as he abandons even a semblance of control. That's all Locus now. He just has to hold still, keep his teeth out of the way, and make sure that his throat doesn't tighten at the wrong fucking moment. The water's still getting in his eyes, not just from the shower but from the movement of Locus' body. Felix blinks as quickly as he can, not wanting to miss it when it happens.
And he doesn't. Locus isn't loud or theatrical even in sex—and now Felix knows that—but his grip on his hair is merciless and his come is hot on his tongue and against his throat as it slips down. Felix swallows it, unable to get a really good taste, but makes up for it by licking at Locus' cock to clean off the remainder. Not necessary since they're in the shower, but every drop is Felix's and he isn't letting it go to waste. It isn't until Locus lets go of his hair that he can move his head back, but even then he takes his time, easing off and sucking the tip clean before letting it go. He licks his lips, collecting saliva and little flecks of come, eyes on Locus as he slowly takes his hand. ]
Give me a second. [ It comes out huskier than normal, evidence of having just gotten his mouth fucked, but Felix isn't ashamed of it. What bothers him is the strange numb ache in his knees as he tries to get up. Under his breath, he mutters to himself; ] Goddamn it, I'm getting old.
[ With far less grace than he'd knelt down, Felix hauls himself up, free hand on Locus' hip for added stability. His toes and shins tingle with pins and needles, but it was worth it. So fucking worth it. One corner of his swollen mouth quirks upward. ]
Just give it a minute. [ The aftermath, he means. He wiggles his toes, then stops when that just sparks more pins and needles. ] Enjoy it.
[ Because he's still a bit sensitive after all that, a small shudder races through him when Felix sucks at the tip of his cock one last time. He exhales a breath he hadn't known he was holding and tries to reassemble himself into some form of order. Funny how something like this can leave him feeling a little bit looser, a little bit calmer. He doesn't think much on it, not right now. Later he will. Just like later he'll be processing everything that's happened tonight and trying to put some kind of word or feeling to it.
Intimacy is still foreign to him and right now he wonders if that is something that will ever change. If he'll be able to do things because it feels right in that moment or if he'll continue to ruminate on the right moment to act. It can't be easy to deal with. Locus knows it isn't on his end. He can't imagine it is for Felix, either. Maybe it's because of what's happened tonight. Maybe it's because he's still feeling not quite like himself as the haze of pleasure hasn't fully left him yet. Maybe it's because things are becoming less foreign and he just doesn't recognize it yet. Whatever it is, he can't say for sure. Except that something compels him to lift his hand to cup Felix's cheek and his thumb runs along the curve of his bottom lip.
The next moment he's leaning down to capture Felix's lips in a kiss. It starts slow, but it's not entirely gentle. He licks into Felix's mouth to taste himself there and Locus doesn't even know why he does it. Just that he wants to even if it's weird. It's not a kiss that lasts long, as Locus does pull back eventually. The water's going to start getting cold soon and they should probably wash up before that happens. So he shifts slightly to get Felix more in the line of the spray and grabs the soap, getting a good lather in his hands quickly before beginning to wash himself. ]
We should get cleaned up.
[ As far as sweet-talk goes, it's poor. But, Locus' tone is almost easy when he speaks and that certainly speaks louder than his own stupid words. ]
[ Felix isn't experienced in awkward moments after sex. The great thing about not caring about the people he fucks is the ease of the one-night stand. Not seeing his partners again means that there isn't any unhappiness to deal with over his leaving immediately after the deed gets done. And he's always done that. There's never been a reason to hang around. All anyone's ever been to him is a distraction.
But Locus is different. Leaving isn't an option; even if it would be easier than dealing with the fallout, he doesn't want to do that. He wants to stay. Because once isn't enough. The tiny part of him that's always wondered if he'd lose interest in Locus once he got him has gotten its answer: there is no enough. Despite how awkward it is and how he can't be sure what Locus thinks of the whole thing, there's never going to be enough. It's like an addiction, it's under his skin and in his blood, a constant demand for more.
The touch surprises him. The kiss even more so, though Felix doesn't hesitate to return it. Frankly, he'd like it to last longer and very nearly whines in irritation when Locus pulls back. But he's got a point, the hot water won't last forever and Felix is kind of cold, and it won't do to be pushy. ]
Yeah, okay.
[ He angles himself into the spray of water, and really, if they're going to do shit like this, they need a bigger bathroom. Propose larger house, he tells himself as he takes the soap, lathers up his hands, and gets to washing. It's quick and efficient, just like he's back in the army, and maybe it's a waste of an opportunity but again he's trying not to be pushy. And Locus deserves a little peace to enjoy the post-orgasmic haze, no matter how much he wants to yammer at him. ]
[ There really isn't enough room in this shower for the both of them. In spite of their difference in width, it's still not that easy to navigate without Locus banging his elbow against the wall ( which he does several times ) or the shower curtain ( which gets bunched up and knocked out at one point leading to a slight watery mess just outside of the tub ) or knocking into Felix ( which he does several times, also, without meaning to ). In the heat of the moment the space is fine because it keeps them closer together. And it would be an easy thing for Locus to position Felix right against him so they were flush and wash him himself.
But, that's not something Locus would really consider. Not right now. Not when he's still trying to remember how emotions and intimacy actually work and are applied to an actual person and not just a fantasy.
Eventually he does finish—being in the military and being a mercenary have taught him quick shower habits so he doesn't waste time—and gets out. As he predicted, the mat is soggy from shower water and uncomfortable to walk on with bare feet. He huffs a small noise but doesn't say anything and just gets his towel to dry off with. To further prove the point of Locus actually being relaxed, he doesn't complain about it, nor does he pick up his clothes. He simply wanders into the bedroom and finds a clean pair of pajama pants to put on. Task done, he sits on the edge of the bed, waiting for Felix to come out and when he does, he decides to give an offer. ]
We can finish the tree tomorrow. [ Because they do have to go get more lights, considering Locus cut up one of the strands and they didn't have enough to begin with. He clears his throat and feels so stupid saying the rest; ] And watch one of those movies you like up here.
[ Tomorrow morning he's cleaning everything up though. Early. ]
[ They really need a bigger shower. By the end of it Felix feels like he took a spin through the archaic washing machine that lives in the little laundry room. But he's clean and no one fell out of the tub, so he's chalking it up as a win. Even when he steps out onto a soggy bath mat. His nose wrinkles at the cold, squishy sensation, but he doesn't complain. Just hops off of it in a hurry, slips on the tile, and staggers his way over to his towel. He dries off, wraps it around his waist, and runs a comb through his hair quickly.
About to set it down and leave the bathroom, he pauses, considers it for a moment, glances between it and the door, and then heads out still holding it. He's surprised to see Locus sitting there, but the offer stops him halfway toward retrieving his own pajamas. ]
Yeah? Okay. That's—Sure.
[ Like Locus might change his mind, Felix yanks on a pair of pants, flings the towel into the bathroom, and approaches the bed. The comb's in one hand and the other's raised in a placating gesture. ]
Hear me out before you say no. [ He waves the comb for emphasis. ] Let me comb out your hair. It feels better when someone else does it. [ He gives a nonchalant shrug. ] And then it won't get all tangled while we're watching the movie.
[ This is such a strange night. Not the worst they've had—here or otherwise—but still a little strange. He can't really offer a complaint, though, which might be the strangest part of all. ( He could, but he doesn't feel a pressing need to have any burble up to the surface. )
Just as he's pushing back to settle on the bed and flick the television on—which it does flicker on to that ridiculous channel with the equally ridiculous movies—that request comes and Locus pauses midway through what he's doing. Part of him feels a little silly accepting it. The other, more sedated part of his mind, tells him to just do it because it will feel nice and maybe help bleed out the tension that's crawling its way back into his body.
He sighs softly and just arranges himself comfortably to sit on the bed with enough room behind him for Felix. He gives a small wave of his hand to give the answer for him before he speaks. ]
Fine. [ Again his tone isn't sharp. ] If that's what you want to do.
[ Hesitation can cost a man, whether that's in the middle of an assassination or an attempt at brushing a partner's hair. Felix doesn't give Locus time to change his mind. The second he's given the go ahead he moves over to the side of the bed and then slips easily into the space Locus has left for him. It's tempting to plaster himself against Locus' back and just... he's not sure. Wrap around him and refuse to let go maybe. It's a stupid impulse, one he immediately suppresses, but it lingers there like an itch he can't scratch. ]
Hair's weird. [ He says it casually, a normal conversational tone as he separates Locus' hair into sections and startz working the comb through the bottom of the first. ] It feels really good to have someone brush it when it's short and really good when it's long, but that in the middle shit? It's just not the same.
[ Locus' hair isn't a huge tangle. A few gentle strokes of the comb loosens the first section and Felix spends half a minute just pulling it through the wet strands, from Locus' scalp to the very tips. ]
Your hair's a good length for it. [ It's normal, boring conversation that Locus can ignore if he doesn't want to listen. It's normal, and Felix thinks maybe he wants normal after what they've done. Maybe also because of what they're doing now. ] I like your hair.
[ He doesn't pause as he moves onto the second section, though he does look up and fix the back of Locus' head with a curious stare. ]
[ Locus doesn't know of he'd call this normal. Normal for them is what upgrades to make to their personal armory or what brand of bullets is better or what their next move in a mission is. Sitting here talking about Locus' hair or what their shopping list for the restaurant is or any mundane topic isn't normal. For other people, sure. For them? Not so much. Beyond that, idle conversation hasn't ever been Locus' strong point. It feels awkward to talk when he doesn't have anything to say. Felix always has something to say and constantly fills up space with words. The majority of the time Locus finds them useless. Sometimes downright annoying. But right now it might be helping.
Even if it isn't normal.
Locus doesn't really say anything right away, just lets his lids droop as he stares toward the television but not even remotely watching. It does feel nice, someone else combing his hair. Especially considering he doesn't often give it much attention himself beyond combing or pulling it back onto some semblance of control. As much as Locus doesn't seek attention, he can't lie about how nice it feels.
He huffs a small, soft noise that's borderline amusement. Hurting him by combing his hair. Right. ]
No. It's fine.
[ He can withstand torture. This isn't remotely close. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Almost.
Because he still recognizes the signs of when things are shifting too far into one direction. Locus can hear it in the shredded way Felix's voice sounds, feel it in the way his body moves. Something is happening and before Locus can realize it or attempt to curb it from happening, it happens.
For the first time since Locus was a kid, he feels like actually laughing. He doesn't, because he's forgotten how it works, but there's a nostalgic feeling inside him. It's not that he's laughing at Felix—God forbid, he'd never hear the end of it—but the situation. That they've been rutting on the floor like they're half their ages; rutting to the point Felix got too overwhelmed and came too soon.
What he does do is exhale a breath, tipping his head slightly to break the kiss. His hair finally gives up attempting to stay held in the tie and spills over, curtaining them off on one side. Though Locus slows his hips to an eventual stop, he doesn't move from where he is and doesn't stop clutching tightly on to Felix's thigh. He pulls back enough so he can look at him, his eyes darkened by what they've been doing and lips slick from their kisses. HIs thumb twitches slightly and he clears his throat. Though he speaks low, a murmur really, there's still a different quality to his voice that's certainly never been there before when talking to Felix. ]
Why are you always in such a rush?
[ It's so fucking dry, even through the lust of the moment. Locus doesn't tease, but. Sometimes it's okay to make a joke at Felix's expense...! ]
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When Locus breaks the kiss and pulls back, Felix very nearly screams in frustration. It just isn't fair. His face feels like it's on fire and it just gets hotter after he cracks open a wary eye and sees Locus looking at him. This is it. This is when he's going to have to bolt, barricade himself in his house, and drink until he can't remember what his name is.
It's really fucking hard to look Locus in the eyes. His own keep trying to jerk to the side, forcing him to squint to keep the focused where they need to be. Locus' tone is bizarre. He doesn't know how to interpret it and he's torn between shrinking back against the floor or defensively puffing up and going on the offense. ]
That wasn't intentional. [ It's a low hiss. ] I didn't— [ His grip on himself breaks and his gaze slips sideways. Now would be a great time for the floor to eat him. ] I'm better than this.
[ His attention snaps back to Locus' face and he takes a tighter hold on him. ]
I am. We don't have to stop. I can take care of you. I swear to fucking god it'll be good.
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It's strange to see Felix like this. His face is red and Locus knows it's a combination of embarrassment and anger. Not really a look he's used to seeing on Felix's face. Without even realizing what he's doing, Locus shifts his hand up Felix's body until he runs the tips of his fingers over the sharp line of his cheek. Warmer here, but that's expected.
For a few moments Locus doesn't really know what to say. His mind is silently working in the background while the foreground unhelpfully remains quiet for probably a little bit too long. Then, something happens and Locus clears his throat. The hand on Felix's face shifts to curl around the side of his throat. ]
I never said we were going to stop. [ He's not going to bother replying to Felix being better than this. That's not something that even factors in to this right now. His eyes flick over toward the stairs, the intention further still the bedroom. More specifically, the master bath. ] Location can be moved for more... comfort.
[ Because who hasn't had sticky pants before? It's not that great. Locus knows. ]
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Locus is touching his face. Why is Locus touching his face? He doesn't get it and that uncertainty, that inability to figure out what Locus is doing and why, distracts him from his embarrassment. He looks up at him, searching his face for clues, but he's not saying anything or doing anything else. Felix starts to get restless, wants to move but can't because he's sure moving's just going to remind Locus that he doesn't want to do this anymore.
And then... ]
You—Really?
[ Stammering surprise isn't suave and attractive, but Felix is so floored—pun not intended—by not only the revelation that Locus doesn't want to quit but also the insinuation that they move it elsewhere that he can't check the reaction. Or the stupid, hopeful way he looks at him before he realizes he's doing it and wipes it off of his face. ]
Yes. Okay. Yes. [ Tipping his head sideways and turning just so, Felix presses a kiss to the inside of Locus' wrist without taking his eyes of him. Then, because he wants to do it and there's no reason not to, he licks the skin beneath his lips. ] Anywhere. It'll be worth it. I promise.
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He won't ask, though. He can't. Wouldn't even know how to do such a thing. And knows it would just wind up turning into an argument because Locus wouldn't know how to phrase it right and Felix would take it as a slight. There's so much work to be done between them. Sometimes he wonders if they'll even cover a fraction of that.
Not right now, though. Surprisingly, he's being led by far more carnal thoughts. Which, while isn't something entirely new, it's something that's been dormant for a long time.
Locus wets his lips without even realizing what he's done as he watches Felix beneath him. All at once a million things and not one single thing flit through his mind. It's the strangest feeling and he doesn't think he could quite describe it if anyone asked him. Mentally shaking himself out of that momentary pause, he pushes himself up off the floor and from on top of Felix. It's such an easy thing to hold his hand out to help him up that he doesn't even think about it. ]
I don't doubt it.
[ Once Felix is up, Locus lets go and makes for the stairs. If he stalls or starts thinking too much, he'll talk himself out of this. And, he's pretty certain that's something he doesn't want to do. So, he doesn't falter. He walks as sure as he does when he has a purpose right to the bathroom, snapping on the light and followed by turning the water on. While it heats, he begins to disrobe; it's not seductive in nature, yet he's not meticulous about the clothes. They land where they fall and by the time he's completely naked, the flagging erection from walking and distance isn't so flagging any longer.
He pays it no mind and just steps into the shower to acclimate himself to the heat of the water. He hisses softly as the water moves over his cock, but he restrains himself from doing anything about it. Not like it's the first time he's purposely ignored arousal of any kind, probably won't be the last. Likely he should probably say something, but considering he doesn't really know what to say, he just turns an expectant look toward Felix. ]
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Much as he doesn't want it to happen, he's expecting Locus to change his mind by the time they get upstairs, so it's an extremely pleasant surprise to be led into the bathroom and see him start to undress without any hesitation. If this is what some eggnog and tree decorating results in, Felix thinks with slightly hysterical glee, they're going to do it every goddamn month.
It's without a hint of shame that Felix watches him get naked. He's seen Locus in so may various stages of undress, but this is different. Very different, he realixes, when Locus turns and he sees that he's hard. The rush of some inexplicable feeling stronger than simple arousal momentarily blanks his mind, drives out everything and leaves him standing there staring in open hunger. It's only when he senses Locus looking at him that he snaps his gaze up to his face.
He winces a little sheepishly at being caught just standing around like an idiot and hastily yanks off his shirt. If he thought Locus would appreciate it, he'd make a show out of it, but he doubts he would and the lingering fear that Locus will change his mind prevents him from dawdling. His pants follow, kicked off to join the shirt on the floor. The boxers go a moment later.
And as he unexpectedly discovers, there's nothing quite as embarrassing as getting an invitation to join the man he's been fantasizing about for almost half his life in the shower for sexual purposes and having a limp dick.
It's not for lack of interest. If lust was capable of overcoming biology, Felix would likely spend ninety-five percent of his life sporting an erection because of Locus. But he isn't as young as he used to be and he can't recover that quickly. Not even the sight of Locus' cock hard and glistening with water from the shower can get his own up. And trust that Felix has been wondering what Locus looks like hard for as long as he's known him. ]
Sam. [ Reassurance that he's interested probably isn't necessary, but as Felix steps into the shower, he finds himself trying to make up for his uncooperative dick anyway. There isn't a huge amount of room in here, which is all the encouragement he needs to skim his hand over Locus' hip. ] If this isn't an invitation to suck you off, I need you to tell me right now. Otherwise I'm not going to be capable of thinking of anything else.
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That Felix doesn't dawdle is good, because while Locus might not be on the verge of saying no to what's currently happening, he might. Locus isn't the sort to play games no matter the situation, so he thinks that might extend to this, too. Maybe not. Maybe were he in a more giving mood, he might appreciate Felix making some sort of spectacle of himself solely for Locus' enjoyment. Something for another day, at least.
Once Felix is in with him, Locus pulls the curtain closed. Now things feel a little too real and he's wondering just what he was thinking. There's a split second where he wonders if he should stop this, but it passes. He's always passing on everything related to his own wellbeing and personal feelings. He needs to keep working on it. On everything. So, he doesn't tell Felix to get out, nor does Locus leave. In fact, one of the main reasons he doesn't react negatively is remembering what happened downstairs and why they're here in the first place. He doesn't think poorly over Felix's current state of non-arousal compared to his own. They're not teenagers anymore in spite of how they argue like them often.
That touch of Felix's hand against his hip makes his muscle twitch and unconsciously he wets his lips. This, right here and now, is some sort of turning point. He can recognize that still. A hand lifts and he mirrors the touch to Felix's side but drops his hand away. ]
Go ahead.
[ It's the best he can do; he's not much for sweet-talk. ]
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There's an art to giving excellent head and Felix prides himself on his skills in this area. But at the moment, he's a little uncertain how to proceed. The teasing seduction he would ordinarily begin with likely runs the risk of taking too long and making Locus change his mind. And even if it doesn't, Felix doesn't know if he would appreciate it. Locus likes efficiency. Maybe he wants him to hurry it up and get it over with.
He doesn't dither over it for long. That too runs the risk of cutting this short or worse, planting the seed in Locus' mind that this isn't something he wants to do in the first place. Which couldn't be further from the truth. Despite how much it irks his pride, Felix ignores the myriad possibilities that the canvas of Locus' body offers and sinks down onto his knees, the hand on Locus' hip now necessary for stabilizing himself. The bathtub—Acrylic? Fiberglass? Felix doesn't know what these old tubs are made from—is still cold and not overly comfortable under his knobby knees, but he shoves that and the thought that he's probably getting to old for this stuff out of his mind.
It's weirdly, stupidly daunting to be faced with Locus' cock after years of fantasizing about it. Felix looks at it for a moment, unconsciously committing the sight to memory, then gives himself a mental kick in the ass and wraps his free hand around it just beneath the head. His thumb absently rubs over the tip as he slides his palm along the shaft, getting a feel for it. He looks up, still sliding his hand up and down in long slow strokes, searching Locus' face for clues to what's going on behind his eyes. ]
All right so far? [ He doesn't need the reassurance; the day Felix loses his way around a dick is the day he needs to give up having sex. It's for Locus' benefit, reassurance that if he isn't enjoying it Felix will stop. ] Just tell me what works and what doesn't.
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So lost in his own tangled web of thoughts, he doesn't realize that Felix goes down to his knees. He's shaken out of his momentary stupor when he feels the foreign touch of another hand on his cock. Locus lets out a drawn exhale to keep himself steady. It's just been so long since he's done this himself, let alone letting someone else do it for him. It's not the worst feeling in the world.
He doesn't answer right away when the question comes and instead he stares somewhere into the middle distance. Yes, this is strange. There's no way around that. But he can either let that bother him to the point of ending this. Or he can just let go and enjoy himself in the ways he should be.
But enjoyment comes so hard to a man like Locus.
So, he makes a decision to just approach this like he would any normal task. Not that he means to, but it's the best way to cope with a change he doesn't know how to make. He takes charge of the situation. ]
Isaac.
[ It's sharp but... there's something else there. Not as severe as it normally could have been, perhaps. And something else Locus hasn't quite named yet.
One hand shifts to Felix's head, settling on top where his longer hair is becoming slick from the water. It trails down so his fingers curl around the back of his ear and his thumb moves with a purpose over the hinge of his jaw. ]
Open your mouth.
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While Locus studies the water droplet patterns on the back of the shower or whatever the fuck he's doing, Felix internally flounders. Keep going? Stop? Pinch him and see if the pain brings him back to the present? That last one's tempting if only because Locus is either revolted by him, which is insulting, or pretending he's never had his dick touched, which is stupid. Goddamn it, would you just—
The bark of his name jolts him out of it and stills his hand. That's—Is it a reprimand to stop? He can't tell. Locus' voice sounds weird, but that could just be the acoustics of the bathroom. Or Felix slowly becoming traumatized by the fiasco of trying to perform a very simple task.
He almost snaps that he doesn't need any backseat blowjob advice. He knows how to do it, unlike some people. But something—more than likely it's the way Locus touches him, which comes as a surprise—makes him hold his tongue. Slowly, he opens his fingers, not jerking his hand back into his own space but releasing Locus' cock just the same. If he's reading him right, and by now he feels like that's a pretty big fucking if, he assumes he's going to need to get his hand out of the way. Then he opens his mouth as bid, feeling kind of stupid but willing to see where this is going. His eyebrows rise in what he hopes is a clear signal: Go ahead. ]
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He moves forward slightly, his other hand moving around the base of his cock to guide it into Felix's mouth. Something like this has been even longer than a handjob. Felix's mouth is warm and slick and in spite of all the firmly gripped control, Locus feels the want for more. Experimentally he rolls his hips, just to test, just to see. He's not aiming to choke Felix, he's not aiming to fall either, though. Just the right amount of space has to be given. This will do for now.
The one hand not on Felix falls back to his side, the other gives a small nudge to the back of his head. Locus looks down at him and wets his lips, his tone low, heated. ]
Go on.
[ It's certainly not going to suck itself. ]
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But he doesn't. And what he does do isn't terribly intrusive either. Felix flexes the muscle in his throat, loosening it up just in case.
Bossy, Felix thinks, suppressing the urge to roll his eyes. He'd say it too, if he could, but now that Locus has committed this much, it would take some kind of natural disaster to get him to back off and start talking. Bossy is infinitely better than indifferent, even if there's a part of him that wants the absolute freedom to wow him with how good he is at this.
Felix has not been sucking cock over the course of his life for the express purpose of impressing Locus if he ever miraculously agreed to doing it. But he would also never be able to make the claim that it hasn't been a consideration in the back of his mind either.
He hums an affirmative acknowledgement of the direction, taking care to make the sound deeper than usual. Deeper sound, more vibration, and more vibration is better sensation. Rather than setting to immediately, Felix indulges himself in running his tongue over the head and dipping the tip of it into the slit. It's not enough to get an accurate idea of how Locus tastes but it's enough for the moment. Then he gets to work.
A few experimental passes of his mouth over his cock, lips tight to the shaft and tongue sliding along the vein, first to gauge how easy this is going to be, since finesse seems to not be on the schedule. Once he's comfortable, Felix tightens his grip on Locus' hip, deliberately digging his nails into his skin, and settles himself into a steady rhythm and consistent suction. The spray of the water makes it difficult to look up at him, so Felix gives that venture up almost immediately, closing his eyes and focusing on keeping his pace even and his teeth covered. ]
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Strange to see Felix on his knees with Locus' cock in his mouth, but it's not as awkward as he was imagining. His gaze lowers, lids shuttering his eyes, as he shifts his attention to Felix. He hadn't intended to watch, but now that he is, he don't want to look away. Unsure of what it is—the passing of Felix's tongue over the vein, teasing at the slit, the bite of his nails ir some combination—pleasure curls itself through Locus' body and this time there's a little more sound to that exhale. Not quite a moan, but not just a simple breath either.
There's a small twitch forward of his hips—once—when Felix pulls back. He doesn't mean to, but his body has other ideas his mind is almost hesitant to act on. Not because this is bad, but because it's good and he's not used to that.
He already feels so fucked.
Locus tightens his hold on Felix, his hand moving back to shift through his hair. There's no intent, no guiding tug, but he's holding tight enough that there's really no intent to let go. ]
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He's not, though, and that's good. Even if he's thinking about someone else while it's happening or nothing or... or work. Felix wouldn't be surprised if paperwork and other minutiae got him off. But it doesn't matter. He doesn't care. Especially when he feels that little twitch in Locus' hips.
There's no easy way to say it's okay, relax and give into it with his mouth full of his dick, but if he's getting that caught up in it that he wants to help, Felix won't deny him. Opening his eyes, he blinks the water out of them and makes a noise of encouragement. Not wanting to leave it at that, he gives the faintest of nods as he draws back toward the head of his cock, then tugs on his hip as he slides back down onto it. Another permissive hum and he lifts his free hand to rest lightly on Locus' other hip. There's so much more he can do with it, and would without hesitation if he thought it might not be too much too fast.
He curls his fingers, scratching lightly over his skin in as beckoning a gesture as he can manage, bobbing his head the way he is. It's fine. Go ahead. ]
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Isaac. Maybe he should start thinking of him with that name again.
That he can think about later.
That vibration around his cock again feels good and his whole body shudders this time. His eyes close briefly and when his lips part now, there is a low moan that floats free. Looking down when he centers himself again, he catches Felix's eye. For a moment he doesn't act, doesn't do a thing and just looks at him wet and in a shower, yet somehow still filthy. Another heavy breath leaves him and he feels too hot, his skin too small for his bones.
The moment passes and Locus' hands move, bracketing the side of Felix's head. Idly, his thumb sweeps a few water droplets off of Felix's face. Part of him feels like he should look away, but he can't seem to convince himself. So it's with that steady, intense gaze he watches as he begins to slowly roll his hips to fuck Felix's mouth. Watching as his cock disappears into the warm, wet heat of his mouth. It's enticing in a way he hadn't ever imagined. His own mouth is slightly lax as he forgoes breathing through his nose because everything is just too much right now. ]
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There's a part of his mind that's cataloging them, though. It's memorizing everything—the sounds Locus makes, the subtle changes to his expression, the way he moves—and he'll examine those memories later. No doubt he'll review them quite frequently and extensively at many times throughout the day for a week or two. Or four. The highlight reel is absolutely getting played during showers and other masturbatory opportunities.
Locus is watching him and that's both gratifying and weirdly... He's not sure what it is, only that he feels almost self-conscious about it. Which is so fucking stupid that he does his best to ignore it. And watch Locus right back. The effect is probably ruined by how many times he has to blink to keep the water out of his eyes, but he wants Locus to see him looking at him. He wants him to know that he's enjoying this.
He slides his hands around Locus' hips, keeping his touch light enough that it doesn't impede his movement. His fingers splay out over Locus' ass, for a moment doing nothing more than feeling it and reveling in the fact that he's touching Locus' butt and not getting berated for it. Then he squeezes, encouragement only, and utters a low, gravelly chuckle that's probably felt more than it's heard. Keep going, Felix is trying to tell him. It's good. ]
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He's warm. Too warm. The way his blood tingles under his skin almost makes him feel like he can count each individual cell moving through his veins. For several long moments he's overcome—there's a tightening in his stomach and his knees shake a little; Locus tips his head back slightly with a low, rolling sound of pleasure. It feels good and that's an experience he hasn't had in so long. It almost feels overwhelming.
Which it kind of is, all things considered. Locus fucks Felix's mouth in earnest then. Fucking into the wet heat of his mouth like he's chasing some foreign feeling and doesn't know any other way to get it. That feeling builds in the pit of his stomach and grows, spreading out over his whole body until he feels as if he might vibrate right out of his skin. Sooner—and sooner than he'd really like—than he imagines, he feels things change. Everything speeds up and slows down all at once and Locus is left in some odd haze as his orgasm crests. Maybe he should've attempted to alert Felix he was getting ready to come, but he couldn't. One hand clings hard to Felix, fingers twisted in his hair. The other he managed to tear away and hold on to the little bar on the wall of the shower to help keep himself in check in some minor way. He doesn't make much noise and he's fairly certain there's water up his nose.
His bones kind of feel a little like jelly and he doesn't trust himself much to let go of everything just yet. Slowly, Locus lets go of the tight grip on Felix's hair but leaves his hand there in some half-cocked way of soothing. He can't get his breathing under control just yet and still feels a little too high to come down. Without realizing he even closed them, he opens his eyes and looks at Felix, uncertain how to really proceed now. Sort of. He shifts his hand away slightly and nudges against Felix's shoulder then just leaves his hand out. Kneeling isn't comfortable on the best days, he can't imagine it is in the tub. ]
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He lets the tension bleed out of him, lets his muscles grow lax and malleable as he abandons even a semblance of control. That's all Locus now. He just has to hold still, keep his teeth out of the way, and make sure that his throat doesn't tighten at the wrong fucking moment. The water's still getting in his eyes, not just from the shower but from the movement of Locus' body. Felix blinks as quickly as he can, not wanting to miss it when it happens.
And he doesn't. Locus isn't loud or theatrical even in sex—and now Felix knows that—but his grip on his hair is merciless and his come is hot on his tongue and against his throat as it slips down. Felix swallows it, unable to get a really good taste, but makes up for it by licking at Locus' cock to clean off the remainder. Not necessary since they're in the shower, but every drop is Felix's and he isn't letting it go to waste. It isn't until Locus lets go of his hair that he can move his head back, but even then he takes his time, easing off and sucking the tip clean before letting it go. He licks his lips, collecting saliva and little flecks of come, eyes on Locus as he slowly takes his hand. ]
Give me a second. [ It comes out huskier than normal, evidence of having just gotten his mouth fucked, but Felix isn't ashamed of it. What bothers him is the strange numb ache in his knees as he tries to get up. Under his breath, he mutters to himself; ] Goddamn it, I'm getting old.
[ With far less grace than he'd knelt down, Felix hauls himself up, free hand on Locus' hip for added stability. His toes and shins tingle with pins and needles, but it was worth it. So fucking worth it. One corner of his swollen mouth quirks upward. ]
Just give it a minute. [ The aftermath, he means. He wiggles his toes, then stops when that just sparks more pins and needles. ] Enjoy it.
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Intimacy is still foreign to him and right now he wonders if that is something that will ever change. If he'll be able to do things because it feels right in that moment or if he'll continue to ruminate on the right moment to act. It can't be easy to deal with. Locus knows it isn't on his end. He can't imagine it is for Felix, either. Maybe it's because of what's happened tonight. Maybe it's because he's still feeling not quite like himself as the haze of pleasure hasn't fully left him yet. Maybe it's because things are becoming less foreign and he just doesn't recognize it yet. Whatever it is, he can't say for sure. Except that something compels him to lift his hand to cup Felix's cheek and his thumb runs along the curve of his bottom lip.
The next moment he's leaning down to capture Felix's lips in a kiss. It starts slow, but it's not entirely gentle. He licks into Felix's mouth to taste himself there and Locus doesn't even know why he does it. Just that he wants to even if it's weird. It's not a kiss that lasts long, as Locus does pull back eventually. The water's going to start getting cold soon and they should probably wash up before that happens. So he shifts slightly to get Felix more in the line of the spray and grabs the soap, getting a good lather in his hands quickly before beginning to wash himself. ]
We should get cleaned up.
[ As far as sweet-talk goes, it's poor. But, Locus' tone is almost easy when he speaks and that certainly speaks louder than his own stupid words. ]
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But Locus is different. Leaving isn't an option; even if it would be easier than dealing with the fallout, he doesn't want to do that. He wants to stay. Because once isn't enough. The tiny part of him that's always wondered if he'd lose interest in Locus once he got him has gotten its answer: there is no enough. Despite how awkward it is and how he can't be sure what Locus thinks of the whole thing, there's never going to be enough. It's like an addiction, it's under his skin and in his blood, a constant demand for more.
The touch surprises him. The kiss even more so, though Felix doesn't hesitate to return it. Frankly, he'd like it to last longer and very nearly whines in irritation when Locus pulls back. But he's got a point, the hot water won't last forever and Felix is kind of cold, and it won't do to be pushy. ]
Yeah, okay.
[ He angles himself into the spray of water, and really, if they're going to do shit like this, they need a bigger bathroom. Propose larger house, he tells himself as he takes the soap, lathers up his hands, and gets to washing. It's quick and efficient, just like he's back in the army, and maybe it's a waste of an opportunity but again he's trying not to be pushy. And Locus deserves a little peace to enjoy the post-orgasmic haze, no matter how much he wants to yammer at him. ]
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But, that's not something Locus would really consider. Not right now. Not when he's still trying to remember how emotions and intimacy actually work and are applied to an actual person and not just a fantasy.
Eventually he does finish—being in the military and being a mercenary have taught him quick shower habits so he doesn't waste time—and gets out. As he predicted, the mat is soggy from shower water and uncomfortable to walk on with bare feet. He huffs a small noise but doesn't say anything and just gets his towel to dry off with. To further prove the point of Locus actually being relaxed, he doesn't complain about it, nor does he pick up his clothes. He simply wanders into the bedroom and finds a clean pair of pajama pants to put on. Task done, he sits on the edge of the bed, waiting for Felix to come out and when he does, he decides to give an offer. ]
We can finish the tree tomorrow. [ Because they do have to go get more lights, considering Locus cut up one of the strands and they didn't have enough to begin with. He clears his throat and feels so stupid saying the rest; ] And watch one of those movies you like up here.
[ Tomorrow morning he's cleaning everything up though. Early. ]
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About to set it down and leave the bathroom, he pauses, considers it for a moment, glances between it and the door, and then heads out still holding it. He's surprised to see Locus sitting there, but the offer stops him halfway toward retrieving his own pajamas. ]
Yeah? Okay. That's—Sure.
[ Like Locus might change his mind, Felix yanks on a pair of pants, flings the towel into the bathroom, and approaches the bed. The comb's in one hand and the other's raised in a placating gesture. ]
Hear me out before you say no. [ He waves the comb for emphasis. ] Let me comb out your hair. It feels better when someone else does it. [ He gives a nonchalant shrug. ] And then it won't get all tangled while we're watching the movie.
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Just as he's pushing back to settle on the bed and flick the television on—which it does flicker on to that ridiculous channel with the equally ridiculous movies—that request comes and Locus pauses midway through what he's doing. Part of him feels a little silly accepting it. The other, more sedated part of his mind, tells him to just do it because it will feel nice and maybe help bleed out the tension that's crawling its way back into his body.
He sighs softly and just arranges himself comfortably to sit on the bed with enough room behind him for Felix. He gives a small wave of his hand to give the answer for him before he speaks. ]
Fine. [ Again his tone isn't sharp. ] If that's what you want to do.
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Hair's weird. [ He says it casually, a normal conversational tone as he separates Locus' hair into sections and startz working the comb through the bottom of the first. ] It feels really good to have someone brush it when it's short and really good when it's long, but that in the middle shit? It's just not the same.
[ Locus' hair isn't a huge tangle. A few gentle strokes of the comb loosens the first section and Felix spends half a minute just pulling it through the wet strands, from Locus' scalp to the very tips. ]
Your hair's a good length for it. [ It's normal, boring conversation that Locus can ignore if he doesn't want to listen. It's normal, and Felix thinks maybe he wants normal after what they've done. Maybe also because of what they're doing now. ] I like your hair.
[ He doesn't pause as he moves onto the second section, though he does look up and fix the back of Locus' head with a curious stare. ]
I'm not hurting you, am I?
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Even if it isn't normal.
Locus doesn't really say anything right away, just lets his lids droop as he stares toward the television but not even remotely watching. It does feel nice, someone else combing his hair. Especially considering he doesn't often give it much attention himself beyond combing or pulling it back onto some semblance of control. As much as Locus doesn't seek attention, he can't lie about how nice it feels.
He huffs a small, soft noise that's borderline amusement. Hurting him by combing his hair. Right. ]
No. It's fine.
[ He can withstand torture. This isn't remotely close. ]
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