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[ It's not an instant thing that happens. Having denied himself carnal pleasures for so long, this is almost like an entirely new experience. It feels good, he can't deny that. It's both a strange and exciting sight to see Felix down there, swallowing down his cock like he's been waiting for the opportunity for too long. Locus still holds a little confusion over the whole thing, but even that's getting hazy right now as pleasure begins to assume full control of Locus' mind and body.
He's warm. Too warm. The way his blood tingles under his skin almost makes him feel like he can count each individual cell moving through his veins. For several long moments he's overcome—there's a tightening in his stomach and his knees shake a little; Locus tips his head back slightly with a low, rolling sound of pleasure. It feels good and that's an experience he hasn't had in so long. It almost feels overwhelming.
Which it kind of is, all things considered. Locus fucks Felix's mouth in earnest then. Fucking into the wet heat of his mouth like he's chasing some foreign feeling and doesn't know any other way to get it. That feeling builds in the pit of his stomach and grows, spreading out over his whole body until he feels as if he might vibrate right out of his skin. Sooner—and sooner than he'd really like—than he imagines, he feels things change. Everything speeds up and slows down all at once and Locus is left in some odd haze as his orgasm crests. Maybe he should've attempted to alert Felix he was getting ready to come, but he couldn't. One hand clings hard to Felix, fingers twisted in his hair. The other he managed to tear away and hold on to the little bar on the wall of the shower to help keep himself in check in some minor way. He doesn't make much noise and he's fairly certain there's water up his nose.
His bones kind of feel a little like jelly and he doesn't trust himself much to let go of everything just yet. Slowly, Locus lets go of the tight grip on Felix's hair but leaves his hand there in some half-cocked way of soothing. He can't get his breathing under control just yet and still feels a little too high to come down. Without realizing he even closed them, he opens his eyes and looks at Felix, uncertain how to really proceed now. Sort of. He shifts his hand away slightly and nudges against Felix's shoulder then just leaves his hand out. Kneeling isn't comfortable on the best days, he can't imagine it is in the tub. ]
He's warm. Too warm. The way his blood tingles under his skin almost makes him feel like he can count each individual cell moving through his veins. For several long moments he's overcome—there's a tightening in his stomach and his knees shake a little; Locus tips his head back slightly with a low, rolling sound of pleasure. It feels good and that's an experience he hasn't had in so long. It almost feels overwhelming.
Which it kind of is, all things considered. Locus fucks Felix's mouth in earnest then. Fucking into the wet heat of his mouth like he's chasing some foreign feeling and doesn't know any other way to get it. That feeling builds in the pit of his stomach and grows, spreading out over his whole body until he feels as if he might vibrate right out of his skin. Sooner—and sooner than he'd really like—than he imagines, he feels things change. Everything speeds up and slows down all at once and Locus is left in some odd haze as his orgasm crests. Maybe he should've attempted to alert Felix he was getting ready to come, but he couldn't. One hand clings hard to Felix, fingers twisted in his hair. The other he managed to tear away and hold on to the little bar on the wall of the shower to help keep himself in check in some minor way. He doesn't make much noise and he's fairly certain there's water up his nose.
His bones kind of feel a little like jelly and he doesn't trust himself much to let go of everything just yet. Slowly, Locus lets go of the tight grip on Felix's hair but leaves his hand there in some half-cocked way of soothing. He can't get his breathing under control just yet and still feels a little too high to come down. Without realizing he even closed them, he opens his eyes and looks at Felix, uncertain how to really proceed now. Sort of. He shifts his hand away slightly and nudges against Felix's shoulder then just leaves his hand out. Kneeling isn't comfortable on the best days, he can't imagine it is in the tub. ]
[ A warning isn't necessary. Sure, it's been a while since he's been in the position to give a guy head, but Felix has done it often enough over the course of his life that he recognizes the signs of impending orgasm even in Locus. Mostly, it's the change in pace more than it's that sound. Building pleasure is one thing, but this is chasing after it in a way that's all too familiar to him.
He lets the tension bleed out of him, lets his muscles grow lax and malleable as he abandons even a semblance of control. That's all Locus now. He just has to hold still, keep his teeth out of the way, and make sure that his throat doesn't tighten at the wrong fucking moment. The water's still getting in his eyes, not just from the shower but from the movement of Locus' body. Felix blinks as quickly as he can, not wanting to miss it when it happens.
And he doesn't. Locus isn't loud or theatrical even in sex—and now Felix knows that—but his grip on his hair is merciless and his come is hot on his tongue and against his throat as it slips down. Felix swallows it, unable to get a really good taste, but makes up for it by licking at Locus' cock to clean off the remainder. Not necessary since they're in the shower, but every drop is Felix's and he isn't letting it go to waste. It isn't until Locus lets go of his hair that he can move his head back, but even then he takes his time, easing off and sucking the tip clean before letting it go. He licks his lips, collecting saliva and little flecks of come, eyes on Locus as he slowly takes his hand. ]
Give me a second. [ It comes out huskier than normal, evidence of having just gotten his mouth fucked, but Felix isn't ashamed of it. What bothers him is the strange numb ache in his knees as he tries to get up. Under his breath, he mutters to himself; ] Goddamn it, I'm getting old.
[ With far less grace than he'd knelt down, Felix hauls himself up, free hand on Locus' hip for added stability. His toes and shins tingle with pins and needles, but it was worth it. So fucking worth it. One corner of his swollen mouth quirks upward. ]
Just give it a minute. [ The aftermath, he means. He wiggles his toes, then stops when that just sparks more pins and needles. ] Enjoy it.
He lets the tension bleed out of him, lets his muscles grow lax and malleable as he abandons even a semblance of control. That's all Locus now. He just has to hold still, keep his teeth out of the way, and make sure that his throat doesn't tighten at the wrong fucking moment. The water's still getting in his eyes, not just from the shower but from the movement of Locus' body. Felix blinks as quickly as he can, not wanting to miss it when it happens.
And he doesn't. Locus isn't loud or theatrical even in sex—and now Felix knows that—but his grip on his hair is merciless and his come is hot on his tongue and against his throat as it slips down. Felix swallows it, unable to get a really good taste, but makes up for it by licking at Locus' cock to clean off the remainder. Not necessary since they're in the shower, but every drop is Felix's and he isn't letting it go to waste. It isn't until Locus lets go of his hair that he can move his head back, but even then he takes his time, easing off and sucking the tip clean before letting it go. He licks his lips, collecting saliva and little flecks of come, eyes on Locus as he slowly takes his hand. ]
Give me a second. [ It comes out huskier than normal, evidence of having just gotten his mouth fucked, but Felix isn't ashamed of it. What bothers him is the strange numb ache in his knees as he tries to get up. Under his breath, he mutters to himself; ] Goddamn it, I'm getting old.
[ With far less grace than he'd knelt down, Felix hauls himself up, free hand on Locus' hip for added stability. His toes and shins tingle with pins and needles, but it was worth it. So fucking worth it. One corner of his swollen mouth quirks upward. ]
Just give it a minute. [ The aftermath, he means. He wiggles his toes, then stops when that just sparks more pins and needles. ] Enjoy it.
[ Because he's still a bit sensitive after all that, a small shudder races through him when Felix sucks at the tip of his cock one last time. He exhales a breath he hadn't known he was holding and tries to reassemble himself into some form of order. Funny how something like this can leave him feeling a little bit looser, a little bit calmer. He doesn't think much on it, not right now. Later he will. Just like later he'll be processing everything that's happened tonight and trying to put some kind of word or feeling to it.
Intimacy is still foreign to him and right now he wonders if that is something that will ever change. If he'll be able to do things because it feels right in that moment or if he'll continue to ruminate on the right moment to act. It can't be easy to deal with. Locus knows it isn't on his end. He can't imagine it is for Felix, either. Maybe it's because of what's happened tonight. Maybe it's because he's still feeling not quite like himself as the haze of pleasure hasn't fully left him yet. Maybe it's because things are becoming less foreign and he just doesn't recognize it yet. Whatever it is, he can't say for sure. Except that something compels him to lift his hand to cup Felix's cheek and his thumb runs along the curve of his bottom lip.
The next moment he's leaning down to capture Felix's lips in a kiss. It starts slow, but it's not entirely gentle. He licks into Felix's mouth to taste himself there and Locus doesn't even know why he does it. Just that he wants to even if it's weird. It's not a kiss that lasts long, as Locus does pull back eventually. The water's going to start getting cold soon and they should probably wash up before that happens. So he shifts slightly to get Felix more in the line of the spray and grabs the soap, getting a good lather in his hands quickly before beginning to wash himself. ]
We should get cleaned up.
[ As far as sweet-talk goes, it's poor. But, Locus' tone is almost easy when he speaks and that certainly speaks louder than his own stupid words. ]
Intimacy is still foreign to him and right now he wonders if that is something that will ever change. If he'll be able to do things because it feels right in that moment or if he'll continue to ruminate on the right moment to act. It can't be easy to deal with. Locus knows it isn't on his end. He can't imagine it is for Felix, either. Maybe it's because of what's happened tonight. Maybe it's because he's still feeling not quite like himself as the haze of pleasure hasn't fully left him yet. Maybe it's because things are becoming less foreign and he just doesn't recognize it yet. Whatever it is, he can't say for sure. Except that something compels him to lift his hand to cup Felix's cheek and his thumb runs along the curve of his bottom lip.
The next moment he's leaning down to capture Felix's lips in a kiss. It starts slow, but it's not entirely gentle. He licks into Felix's mouth to taste himself there and Locus doesn't even know why he does it. Just that he wants to even if it's weird. It's not a kiss that lasts long, as Locus does pull back eventually. The water's going to start getting cold soon and they should probably wash up before that happens. So he shifts slightly to get Felix more in the line of the spray and grabs the soap, getting a good lather in his hands quickly before beginning to wash himself. ]
We should get cleaned up.
[ As far as sweet-talk goes, it's poor. But, Locus' tone is almost easy when he speaks and that certainly speaks louder than his own stupid words. ]
[ Felix isn't experienced in awkward moments after sex. The great thing about not caring about the people he fucks is the ease of the one-night stand. Not seeing his partners again means that there isn't any unhappiness to deal with over his leaving immediately after the deed gets done. And he's always done that. There's never been a reason to hang around. All anyone's ever been to him is a distraction.
But Locus is different. Leaving isn't an option; even if it would be easier than dealing with the fallout, he doesn't want to do that. He wants to stay. Because once isn't enough. The tiny part of him that's always wondered if he'd lose interest in Locus once he got him has gotten its answer: there is no enough. Despite how awkward it is and how he can't be sure what Locus thinks of the whole thing, there's never going to be enough. It's like an addiction, it's under his skin and in his blood, a constant demand for more.
The touch surprises him. The kiss even more so, though Felix doesn't hesitate to return it. Frankly, he'd like it to last longer and very nearly whines in irritation when Locus pulls back. But he's got a point, the hot water won't last forever and Felix is kind of cold, and it won't do to be pushy. ]
Yeah, okay.
[ He angles himself into the spray of water, and really, if they're going to do shit like this, they need a bigger bathroom. Propose larger house, he tells himself as he takes the soap, lathers up his hands, and gets to washing. It's quick and efficient, just like he's back in the army, and maybe it's a waste of an opportunity but again he's trying not to be pushy. And Locus deserves a little peace to enjoy the post-orgasmic haze, no matter how much he wants to yammer at him. ]
But Locus is different. Leaving isn't an option; even if it would be easier than dealing with the fallout, he doesn't want to do that. He wants to stay. Because once isn't enough. The tiny part of him that's always wondered if he'd lose interest in Locus once he got him has gotten its answer: there is no enough. Despite how awkward it is and how he can't be sure what Locus thinks of the whole thing, there's never going to be enough. It's like an addiction, it's under his skin and in his blood, a constant demand for more.
The touch surprises him. The kiss even more so, though Felix doesn't hesitate to return it. Frankly, he'd like it to last longer and very nearly whines in irritation when Locus pulls back. But he's got a point, the hot water won't last forever and Felix is kind of cold, and it won't do to be pushy. ]
Yeah, okay.
[ He angles himself into the spray of water, and really, if they're going to do shit like this, they need a bigger bathroom. Propose larger house, he tells himself as he takes the soap, lathers up his hands, and gets to washing. It's quick and efficient, just like he's back in the army, and maybe it's a waste of an opportunity but again he's trying not to be pushy. And Locus deserves a little peace to enjoy the post-orgasmic haze, no matter how much he wants to yammer at him. ]
[ There really isn't enough room in this shower for the both of them. In spite of their difference in width, it's still not that easy to navigate without Locus banging his elbow against the wall ( which he does several times ) or the shower curtain ( which gets bunched up and knocked out at one point leading to a slight watery mess just outside of the tub ) or knocking into Felix ( which he does several times, also, without meaning to ). In the heat of the moment the space is fine because it keeps them closer together. And it would be an easy thing for Locus to position Felix right against him so they were flush and wash him himself.
But, that's not something Locus would really consider. Not right now. Not when he's still trying to remember how emotions and intimacy actually work and are applied to an actual person and not just a fantasy.
Eventually he does finish—being in the military and being a mercenary have taught him quick shower habits so he doesn't waste time—and gets out. As he predicted, the mat is soggy from shower water and uncomfortable to walk on with bare feet. He huffs a small noise but doesn't say anything and just gets his towel to dry off with. To further prove the point of Locus actually being relaxed, he doesn't complain about it, nor does he pick up his clothes. He simply wanders into the bedroom and finds a clean pair of pajama pants to put on. Task done, he sits on the edge of the bed, waiting for Felix to come out and when he does, he decides to give an offer. ]
We can finish the tree tomorrow. [ Because they do have to go get more lights, considering Locus cut up one of the strands and they didn't have enough to begin with. He clears his throat and feels so stupid saying the rest; ] And watch one of those movies you like up here.
[ Tomorrow morning he's cleaning everything up though. Early. ]
But, that's not something Locus would really consider. Not right now. Not when he's still trying to remember how emotions and intimacy actually work and are applied to an actual person and not just a fantasy.
Eventually he does finish—being in the military and being a mercenary have taught him quick shower habits so he doesn't waste time—and gets out. As he predicted, the mat is soggy from shower water and uncomfortable to walk on with bare feet. He huffs a small noise but doesn't say anything and just gets his towel to dry off with. To further prove the point of Locus actually being relaxed, he doesn't complain about it, nor does he pick up his clothes. He simply wanders into the bedroom and finds a clean pair of pajama pants to put on. Task done, he sits on the edge of the bed, waiting for Felix to come out and when he does, he decides to give an offer. ]
We can finish the tree tomorrow. [ Because they do have to go get more lights, considering Locus cut up one of the strands and they didn't have enough to begin with. He clears his throat and feels so stupid saying the rest; ] And watch one of those movies you like up here.
[ Tomorrow morning he's cleaning everything up though. Early. ]
[ They really need a bigger shower. By the end of it Felix feels like he took a spin through the archaic washing machine that lives in the little laundry room. But he's clean and no one fell out of the tub, so he's chalking it up as a win. Even when he steps out onto a soggy bath mat. His nose wrinkles at the cold, squishy sensation, but he doesn't complain. Just hops off of it in a hurry, slips on the tile, and staggers his way over to his towel. He dries off, wraps it around his waist, and runs a comb through his hair quickly.
About to set it down and leave the bathroom, he pauses, considers it for a moment, glances between it and the door, and then heads out still holding it. He's surprised to see Locus sitting there, but the offer stops him halfway toward retrieving his own pajamas. ]
Yeah? Okay. That's—Sure.
[ Like Locus might change his mind, Felix yanks on a pair of pants, flings the towel into the bathroom, and approaches the bed. The comb's in one hand and the other's raised in a placating gesture. ]
Hear me out before you say no. [ He waves the comb for emphasis. ] Let me comb out your hair. It feels better when someone else does it. [ He gives a nonchalant shrug. ] And then it won't get all tangled while we're watching the movie.
About to set it down and leave the bathroom, he pauses, considers it for a moment, glances between it and the door, and then heads out still holding it. He's surprised to see Locus sitting there, but the offer stops him halfway toward retrieving his own pajamas. ]
Yeah? Okay. That's—Sure.
[ Like Locus might change his mind, Felix yanks on a pair of pants, flings the towel into the bathroom, and approaches the bed. The comb's in one hand and the other's raised in a placating gesture. ]
Hear me out before you say no. [ He waves the comb for emphasis. ] Let me comb out your hair. It feels better when someone else does it. [ He gives a nonchalant shrug. ] And then it won't get all tangled while we're watching the movie.
[ This is such a strange night. Not the worst they've had—here or otherwise—but still a little strange. He can't really offer a complaint, though, which might be the strangest part of all. ( He could, but he doesn't feel a pressing need to have any burble up to the surface. )
Just as he's pushing back to settle on the bed and flick the television on—which it does flicker on to that ridiculous channel with the equally ridiculous movies—that request comes and Locus pauses midway through what he's doing. Part of him feels a little silly accepting it. The other, more sedated part of his mind, tells him to just do it because it will feel nice and maybe help bleed out the tension that's crawling its way back into his body.
He sighs softly and just arranges himself comfortably to sit on the bed with enough room behind him for Felix. He gives a small wave of his hand to give the answer for him before he speaks. ]
Fine. [ Again his tone isn't sharp. ] If that's what you want to do.
Just as he's pushing back to settle on the bed and flick the television on—which it does flicker on to that ridiculous channel with the equally ridiculous movies—that request comes and Locus pauses midway through what he's doing. Part of him feels a little silly accepting it. The other, more sedated part of his mind, tells him to just do it because it will feel nice and maybe help bleed out the tension that's crawling its way back into his body.
He sighs softly and just arranges himself comfortably to sit on the bed with enough room behind him for Felix. He gives a small wave of his hand to give the answer for him before he speaks. ]
Fine. [ Again his tone isn't sharp. ] If that's what you want to do.
[ Hesitation can cost a man, whether that's in the middle of an assassination or an attempt at brushing a partner's hair. Felix doesn't give Locus time to change his mind. The second he's given the go ahead he moves over to the side of the bed and then slips easily into the space Locus has left for him. It's tempting to plaster himself against Locus' back and just... he's not sure. Wrap around him and refuse to let go maybe. It's a stupid impulse, one he immediately suppresses, but it lingers there like an itch he can't scratch. ]
Hair's weird. [ He says it casually, a normal conversational tone as he separates Locus' hair into sections and startz working the comb through the bottom of the first. ] It feels really good to have someone brush it when it's short and really good when it's long, but that in the middle shit? It's just not the same.
[ Locus' hair isn't a huge tangle. A few gentle strokes of the comb loosens the first section and Felix spends half a minute just pulling it through the wet strands, from Locus' scalp to the very tips. ]
Your hair's a good length for it. [ It's normal, boring conversation that Locus can ignore if he doesn't want to listen. It's normal, and Felix thinks maybe he wants normal after what they've done. Maybe also because of what they're doing now. ] I like your hair.
[ He doesn't pause as he moves onto the second section, though he does look up and fix the back of Locus' head with a curious stare. ]
I'm not hurting you, am I?
Hair's weird. [ He says it casually, a normal conversational tone as he separates Locus' hair into sections and startz working the comb through the bottom of the first. ] It feels really good to have someone brush it when it's short and really good when it's long, but that in the middle shit? It's just not the same.
[ Locus' hair isn't a huge tangle. A few gentle strokes of the comb loosens the first section and Felix spends half a minute just pulling it through the wet strands, from Locus' scalp to the very tips. ]
Your hair's a good length for it. [ It's normal, boring conversation that Locus can ignore if he doesn't want to listen. It's normal, and Felix thinks maybe he wants normal after what they've done. Maybe also because of what they're doing now. ] I like your hair.
[ He doesn't pause as he moves onto the second section, though he does look up and fix the back of Locus' head with a curious stare. ]
I'm not hurting you, am I?
[ He purposely waits at least twenty minutes before responding. ]
My watch is working fine.
My watch is working fine.
There's this guy. He's apparently some bigwig on his planet, specializes in something called Yevon, which is like some kind of spiritual thing for atoning and finding inner peace and shit. Like yoga without all the weird poses. Or maybe it has them. I don't know, I didn't ask. But he knows a lot about it.
[ Oh for God's sake. ]
All right... Why are you telling me this?
All right... Why are you telling me this?
I thought maybe you'd want to talk to him. I asked him some stuff and he said some promising things. Like the first step is deciding that you want to fix shit. And that once you make that decision it, I don't know, helps you keep making more like that.
[ Locus has no idea what to actually say to this. It's not really something they talk about. Mostly because they're still on opposite sides and Locus doesn't have the patience to try and make Felix understand. He's not open to it and Locus isn't going to force it. ]
I suppose it's something to consider.
I suppose it's something to consider.
Here's his contact information.
[ Felix forwards over what he knows. ]
He said that no one can tell you what's right, that you gotta figure it out for yourself, and that the past can't be undone but the future belongs to you and you can shape that how you want. So I guess there aren't any actual directions but maybe he can give you advice instead. Better than riding horses anyway.
[ Felix forwards over what he knows. ]
He said that no one can tell you what's right, that you gotta figure it out for yourself, and that the past can't be undone but the future belongs to you and you can shape that how you want. So I guess there aren't any actual directions but maybe he can give you advice instead. Better than riding horses anyway.
[ Locus doesn't know of he'd call this normal. Normal for them is what upgrades to make to their personal armory or what brand of bullets is better or what their next move in a mission is. Sitting here talking about Locus' hair or what their shopping list for the restaurant is or any mundane topic isn't normal. For other people, sure. For them? Not so much. Beyond that, idle conversation hasn't ever been Locus' strong point. It feels awkward to talk when he doesn't have anything to say. Felix always has something to say and constantly fills up space with words. The majority of the time Locus finds them useless. Sometimes downright annoying. But right now it might be helping.
Even if it isn't normal.
Locus doesn't really say anything right away, just lets his lids droop as he stares toward the television but not even remotely watching. It does feel nice, someone else combing his hair. Especially considering he doesn't often give it much attention himself beyond combing or pulling it back onto some semblance of control. As much as Locus doesn't seek attention, he can't lie about how nice it feels.
He huffs a small, soft noise that's borderline amusement. Hurting him by combing his hair. Right. ]
No. It's fine.
[ He can withstand torture. This isn't remotely close. ]
Even if it isn't normal.
Locus doesn't really say anything right away, just lets his lids droop as he stares toward the television but not even remotely watching. It does feel nice, someone else combing his hair. Especially considering he doesn't often give it much attention himself beyond combing or pulling it back onto some semblance of control. As much as Locus doesn't seek attention, he can't lie about how nice it feels.
He huffs a small, soft noise that's borderline amusement. Hurting him by combing his hair. Right. ]
No. It's fine.
[ He can withstand torture. This isn't remotely close. ]
[ He's probably not going to contact him, but it's a possibility. ]
Vastly better than riding a horse.
[ He hates them, he thinks. ]
Vastly better than riding a horse.
[ He hates them, he thinks. ]
[ NO HE'S NOT. DID FELIX MISS THE PART WHERE WASH IS A DISAPPOINTMENT TO LOCUS??? ]
You don't have to. But thank you. I'll consider it.
You don't have to. But thank you. I'll consider it.
[ A slight disappointment because of things he's done, but Locus knows him too well for Felix to be a full one!!! ]
Yes.
[ He said the magic p word. ]
I don't know that I would discuss my past with a stranger, but I appreciate the thought, Felix.
Yes.
[ He said the magic p word. ]
I don't know that I would discuss my past with a stranger, but I appreciate the thought, Felix.
[ Everything about this is just going to be weird. ]
I am not always looking for advice. Or any kind of answer. Sometimes there is nothing to be said.
I am not always looking for advice. Or any kind of answer. Sometimes there is nothing to be said.
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